I'm on a mission to become more social, but what is social? I tend to think being social is how Clarisse McClellan from
Fahrenheit 451 defines being social. That is, having
real conversations with people. In the story, Clarisse listens in on conversations of strangers, and comes to the conclusion that they talk about
nothing. So, how exactly does one go from being a nerdy/quirky guy like me, to being social, that is, someone that can initiate real conversations with people?
I have a fantasy of being able to meet someone, and spending the entire day sitting in a field having real conversation about who we are. Sharing stories from our childhood, etc. When I am by myself, I can picture me doing this, that is, going up to an interesting looking girl in the library and just start with asking her a question. In the field however, this doesn't work. I get shy, and I fear that my question will appear rehearsed, after all, I would have prepared a pattern.
Perhaps the first step to becoming social is to become "ordinary social." What does this mean though? Going out and meeting people? Following up with your friends with questions like "how was your weekend?" and giving typical responses like "same shit, different day"? I decided this is so, and quickly realized I need some "bro" friends. Fortunately, this was relatively easy for me to find, I spend a lot of time with my friend Yakov, we are in many classes together, and often spend hours a day solving physics problems. He considers himself to be a "guy's guy." Everyone on campus knows Yakov, he's certainly the leader of the pack, and he definitely admires aspects of me. Great, I found my entry point, so now I need to hang with the guys.
But what do the guys do? Drink. Party. Talk about drinking and partying. Doesn't sound like me, so I decided that I can attend parties, but not drink. Yakov was planning a party Thursday night, so I figured this would be a good opportunity for me to discover just how social, or unsocial I am. My goal for the night, get a number.
The party was very crowded, and someone had immediately caught my eye. She seemed a bit shy, interesting, and I awkwardly clouded her several times throughout the night. Finally, I noticed one of her friends smiled at me, and I used this opportunity to introduce myself to her. I then awkwardly made my way to my target, Rebecca I soon learned. It was crowded and hot, so we went outside. She then said she was bad at continuing conversation, but still stood by me, I saw this as an indicator of interest (IOI). The party got too loud, the cops broke it up. We walked home together, and she gave me her number. First night out, number-close, success?
Those of you who may be versed in Gaming may have noticed that I have been using at some pickup artist (PUA) jargon. I am currently reading Neil Strauss's
The Game and am very intrigued by this field. However, I sincerely do not want to use these skills to get laid. Getting laid is of course a goal, but it is a side-effect of my primary goal; get to know people through real conversation. With that said, of course there is an occasional women I see where my only interest in her is her ass, these are good opportunities for practice.
My first night was before I starting reading PUA literature. Prior to reading anything, I came up my own key ideas: First, be yourself. This idea came from common sense, and also from a great quote by Dr. Seuss; "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Second, the key to talking to the girls is to talk to as many guys as you can. Third, don't go for your target directly, approach the group leader first, and perhaps play hard to get, especially if eye contact with your target has been established prior to approaching the group.
I found out soon that my third point is Mystery's (famous PUA) concept of Group Theory, so I felt proud that I came up with it myself. As for the second point, this is a corollary of Group Theory. If the leader of a group is a guy, you should approach him first, and then attempt to befriend your target. I am still latching on to my first point of being myself, but PUAs seem to use rehearsed lines and patterns. Although they may be reciting rehearsed lines, they definitely need to at least appear to be saying things for the first time, good enough so a woman will think he is being himself. Whether or not I wanted to embrace what I was learning from The Game is a decision that I will have to make in the near future, but for the time being, I still wanted to preliminary practice.
A week later, I was going out for the first time with some Gaming knowledge stored in my head. I went to a party at the same location. The only knowledge however that I wished to practice this night was the three second rule; upon making eye contract with a woman, if you don't react within three seconds, too late, fail. Despite my hard effort, I failed, waiting close to an hour after making eye contact to talk to my target. On a positive note, I number/kiss-closed her, a sexy indian girl. I attempted to text her the next day, and I think I sort of failed. My follow up certainly needs a lot of work.
Jesus, listen to me. Kiss-close. IOI. I really hope this isn't going to be me. While I hope to learn from PUA material, I wish to keep the Clarisse McClellan inside of me for the rest of my life. A friend of mine told me awhile ago that reading The Game almost ruined his life. Will this be the result for me? Or will it really get me going on my way to develop a "Gentleman Game"?
-Theo
